THE NEW ME IS STILL THE REAL ME

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You spend so much time trying to fit in, only to realize one day that you are not supposed to.

Who did you want to be when you grew up? Did you become it? Do you even remember the answer in the first place? Cause I do. I wanted to be so many things throughout my childhood that I still am not sure how all of it would fit into one little girl’s imaginary world. I would spend hours daydreaming about the Leila in the future, the Leila I am now. And I think, that’s why I am writing this, and that’s why I am starting this new project - my fashion website that you are visiting now.

First of all, hey, thank you for coming! Secondly, welcome, I hope you’ll enjoy. Lastly, it took me a month to make this website look more presentable, but even now when I’m one step away from launching it, and announcing the launch of it, even now I know I would wanna add and do so much more. But then I stop myself to remind myself it’s work in progress, just like me. This website symbolizes, not just the new beginning, or the step forward, for me it actually is more about coming back to the person that I was and that I want to embrace again.

See, I was trying to run away from my heart, from my passions, to something stable, respectable and more serious. And somewhere along the way I lost myself. I forgot who I was, I was letting other people's opinions dictate what’s right and what’s wrong, what’s best for me and what’s not, and overtime my heart, or soul, or intuition, call it whatever you prefer, just let me move towards whatever I was thinking was the best for me. But I was wrong.

To be more specific, let’s say it the way it is. After graduating my university, and getting my degree in journalism, I chose political journalism as my future career, and pretty soon I realized that it’s not my happy place. I was trying to prove to people I can be good at it, I can achieve something that would make other people proud of me. I was trying so hard, I forgot to ask myself, but what would make Leila proud? I forgot that I simply always loved fashion, culture and art. And that’s something that would always move my heart, that would always inspire me and make me want to wake up in the morning. It has never been just the material stuff for me, it was my form of self-expression, my element and my path.

This website is me going back to little me, that I sometimes feel like I let down. And I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I want to change it. I want to spend everyday making myself proud, before I put other people above me. I want to choose me, and do what’s right for me.

And this is why I am starting this New Project - My Fashion Website. I want to have a platform to say things I think. I want to have my portfolio - all the pieces I created, I am creating, and I will be creating in one place. I want when next time people, who question if I’m good at something I say I know how to do, would ask me "Are you sure, darling?”, I would just let my actions, or more so creations speak louder than my words.

Most importantly, I want to grow, I want to be the best version of myself, I want to be doing what I love and loving what I do, because I am simply tired of waking up every morning in the last year wanting to escape my work and my today’s reality.

Time’s up.

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